Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Friday, July 20, 2012
Unfold Your @#!*$ Money, or How I Slowly Went Insane
I love having a job. I would even go so far as to say that I love my job. If you know where I work, then you understand the immensity of this statement.
But SOMETIMES things happen that make me want to hurt a whole lot of people.
Here are some changes I would make to the cart I work on:
1. Add a line of tape or something with a sign saying THE LINE STARTS HERE STAND BEHIND THIS OR FACE THE CONSEQUENCES because despite learning how to politely stand in line in freaking kindergarten, once people are about to buy ice cream the excitement must be so great that all their line-related knowledge leaves them. What results is the Mob of People, in which twenty people stand around and shove money in my face and then look visibly annoyed when I don't immediately hand them their food.
2. Maybe also with the line sign could be a sign that lists the prices so I don't have to break the bad news to them and also another thing that says THE ICE CREAM PRICES ARE RIGHT THERE LOOK LOOK AT THE PRICES because people are always failing to see the prices.
3. Another sign should be added that says UNFOLD YOUR MONEY NOW because people are always handing me money folded up as tiny as possible. Why? Why would you do this? Do you think I want to take the time to unfold your money? No, no I don't. Especially during a rush, when I only have time to shove the money in my apron. And then later it takes me about half an hour to close my bag because I'm smoothing out all the bills. This is possibly the single most annoying thing people do. Perhaps if you all handed me flat bills I could clock out faster and then get paid less and then the prices would go down because they'd have more money.
HAHAHAHA. No, that's never happening. Please, continue to hand me your life savings in return for water you could get for free five feet away.
4. Yet another sign (I ought to have realized earlier that these were all signs) that says NO I DO NOT ACCEPT CREDIT CARDS OR BILLS HIGHER THAN 20. Hey, you there, little girl, stop brandishing your $100 bill. Why do you even have that? You're 14. When I came here at 14, I lasted through the day walking from place to place asking for free cups of water, not tossing 100s around.
Rich people disgust me.
Okay, I'm done now. Ah, first world problems.
This job is actually mostly fun. A note to the world: be nice to working people. You have the power to make or break their entire day based on how you treat them. I've had wonderful days ruined because one person was rude to me. On the other hand, completely horrible days were made better because some people stopped by my cart and talked to me for a bit.
But yeah. I like it.
But SOMETIMES things happen that make me want to hurt a whole lot of people.
Here are some changes I would make to the cart I work on:
1. Add a line of tape or something with a sign saying THE LINE STARTS HERE STAND BEHIND THIS OR FACE THE CONSEQUENCES because despite learning how to politely stand in line in freaking kindergarten, once people are about to buy ice cream the excitement must be so great that all their line-related knowledge leaves them. What results is the Mob of People, in which twenty people stand around and shove money in my face and then look visibly annoyed when I don't immediately hand them their food.
2. Maybe also with the line sign could be a sign that lists the prices so I don't have to break the bad news to them and also another thing that says THE ICE CREAM PRICES ARE RIGHT THERE LOOK LOOK AT THE PRICES because people are always failing to see the prices.
3. Another sign should be added that says UNFOLD YOUR MONEY NOW because people are always handing me money folded up as tiny as possible. Why? Why would you do this? Do you think I want to take the time to unfold your money? No, no I don't. Especially during a rush, when I only have time to shove the money in my apron. And then later it takes me about half an hour to close my bag because I'm smoothing out all the bills. This is possibly the single most annoying thing people do. Perhaps if you all handed me flat bills I could clock out faster and then get paid less and then the prices would go down because they'd have more money.
HAHAHAHA. No, that's never happening. Please, continue to hand me your life savings in return for water you could get for free five feet away.
4. Yet another sign (I ought to have realized earlier that these were all signs) that says NO I DO NOT ACCEPT CREDIT CARDS OR BILLS HIGHER THAN 20. Hey, you there, little girl, stop brandishing your $100 bill. Why do you even have that? You're 14. When I came here at 14, I lasted through the day walking from place to place asking for free cups of water, not tossing 100s around.
Rich people disgust me.
Okay, I'm done now. Ah, first world problems.
This job is actually mostly fun. A note to the world: be nice to working people. You have the power to make or break their entire day based on how you treat them. I've had wonderful days ruined because one person was rude to me. On the other hand, completely horrible days were made better because some people stopped by my cart and talked to me for a bit.
But yeah. I like it.
Friday, June 29, 2012
No Edge
A word about titles: They will never make sense. I feel this compulsive need to have a title, mostly because of a love of organization, but I am and always will be terrible at creating them.
There is much more stress involved in public blogs. In my other blog, I could be like, "Well, that was stupid and a waste of a post. Oh well. No one will ever read this."
Not the case anymore.
This week I had a grand total of two days off, which naturally meant that everything in the world was cooked/baked. Wednesday night I was asked to use raspberries in something, so I made this cake at about 11 at night. Less intelligently, I also decided it was the best idea ever to make cinnamon swirl bread. From Cook's Illustrated.
Okay, so Cook's Illustrated is the most amazing cooking magazine ever made. It even beats out Gourmet and Bon Appetit. If all my dreams come true, I will work there one day.
However.
Their penchant for highly scientific recipes can be a bit annoying at times. Usually you're making whatever and grumbling to yourself because of how weirdly specific and involved the directions are, but in the end you taste the food and have a revelation because it's so spectacular.
This particular recipe is not like that. Granted, some of that might be because it was THREE IN THE MORNING when I finally finished (due entirely to my own stupidity. You cannot start bread at midnight.), but is it really necessary to proof the dough for 20 minutes, mix in more stuff, fold it a bunch of times, let it rise in the oven, fold more, rise again, roll out, do a complicated rolling/making a ball thing, roll out again, put on filling, roll up, cut into three, make into long pieces, braid, let rise in oven, and let rise again at room temperature? Is it really? Most bread I make takes maybe two hours, longer if I'm doing something else and let it rise for too long. This takes more than four. Easily. Probably more like five. I miraculously was able to finish it in three because I skipped the whole braid thing and the last two rises and just let it cold rise overnight. That's what I suggest when making this. The first few rises, okay yeah, do those. They probably affect the texture in some monumentally important way. But the last two are unnecessary, as is the braiding, because not once in my long history of making this kind of bread have I ever had the filling spill out. It just doesn't happen.
That being said, since employment opportunities could always be greatly jeopardized by what I just said, I LOVE this magazine. Seriously. The way they develop recipes is perfect and shows so much respect for the ingredients.
One day when I have money I will get a subscription to their website.
Recipe time!
(This is only how it looks when you braid it. Which you shouldn't.)
Cinnamon Swirl Bread (slightly adapted from CI)
Dough
8 T unsalted butter
20 2/3 oz. flour
2 3/4 oz. nonfat dry milk powder
2 1/3 oz. sugar
1 T instant or rapid-rise yeast
1 1/2 cups warm water
1 large egg, lightly beaten
1 1/2 t salt
Filling
1 cup powdered sugar
3 T cinnamon
1 t vanilla
1/2 t salt
1 large egg, lightly beaten with a pinch of salt
FOR THE DOUGH: Whisk flour, milk powder, sugar, and yeast together in bowl of stand mixer. Using stand mixer fitted with dough hook, add water and egg and mix on medium-low speed until cohesive mass forms, about 2 minutes, scraping down bowl if necessary. Cover mixing bowl with plastic wrap and let stand for 20 minutes.
Adjust oven rack to middle position and place a 9" loaf pan (or really any pan) on bottom of oven. Remove plastic from mixer bowl, add salt, and mix on medium-low speed until dough is smooth and elastic and clears sides of bowl, 7 to 15 minutes. With mixer running, add butter, a few pieces at a time, and continue to knead until butter is fully incorporated and dough is smooth and elastic and clears sides of bowl, 3 to 5 minutes longer. (NB: There is a really good chance you'll need more flour at this point because the dough isn't coming together. Go ahead and add it.)Transfer dough to large greased bowl and, using bowl scraper or rubber spatula, fold dough over itself by gently lifting and folding edge of dough toward middle. Turn bowl 90 degrees; fold again. Turn bowl and fold dough 6 more times (total of 8 folds). Cover tightly with plastic and transfer to middle rack of oven. Pour 4 cups boiling water into loaf pan in oven, close oven door, and allow dough to rise for 45 minutes.
Remove bowl from oven and gently press down on center of dough to deflate. Repeat folding step (making total of 8 folds), re-cover, and return to oven until doubled in volume, about 45 minutes.
FOR THE FILLING: Whisk filling ingredients together until well combined; set aside.
Grease two 8½ by 4½-inch loaf pans. Transfer dough to lightly floured counter and divide into 2 pieces. Working with 1 piece of dough, dust ball with flour and flatten with rolling pin into 7 by 18-inch rectangle with even ¼-inch thickness. Using spray bottle, spray dough lightly with water. Sprinkle half of filling mixture evenly over dough, leaving 1/4-inch border on sides and 3/4-inch border on top and bottom; spray filling lightly with water. (Filling should be speckled with water over entire surface.) With short side facing you, roll dough away from you into firm cylinder. Turn loaf seam side up and pinch closed; pinch ends closed. Dust loaf lightly on all sides with flour and let rest for 10 minutes. Repeat with second ball of dough and remaining filling.
Transfer loaf, seam side down, to prepared loaf pan. Repeat with second loaf. Cover loaves loosely with plastic, return to oven, and allow to rise for 45 minutes. Remove loaves and water pan from oven; heat oven to 350 degrees. Allow loaves to rise at room temperature until almost doubled in size, about 45 minutes longer (top of loaves should rise about 1 inch over lip of pan). Alternatively, just cover them tightly with plastic wrap, put them in the refrigerator, and go to bed.
Brush loaves with egg mixture. Bake until crust is well browned, about 25 minutes. Reduce oven temperature to 325 degrees, tent loaves with aluminum foil, and continue to bake until internal temperature registers 200 degrees, 15 to 25 minutes longer.
Transfer pans to wire rack and let cool for 5 minutes. Remove loaves from pans, return to rack, and cool to room temperature before slicing, about 2 hours.
These can be kept in the freezer for up to a month if wrapped very tightly with plastic and foil, but we all know they won't last that long. Not even two days later and we have about 1/4 of a loaf left.
This is good stuff.
Blaaaaaaa. This summer is going so slowly. Work tomorrow.
In the immortal words of John Green, best wishes!
There is much more stress involved in public blogs. In my other blog, I could be like, "Well, that was stupid and a waste of a post. Oh well. No one will ever read this."
Not the case anymore.
This week I had a grand total of two days off, which naturally meant that everything in the world was cooked/baked. Wednesday night I was asked to use raspberries in something, so I made this cake at about 11 at night. Less intelligently, I also decided it was the best idea ever to make cinnamon swirl bread. From Cook's Illustrated.
Okay, so Cook's Illustrated is the most amazing cooking magazine ever made. It even beats out Gourmet and Bon Appetit. If all my dreams come true, I will work there one day.
However.
Their penchant for highly scientific recipes can be a bit annoying at times. Usually you're making whatever and grumbling to yourself because of how weirdly specific and involved the directions are, but in the end you taste the food and have a revelation because it's so spectacular.
This particular recipe is not like that. Granted, some of that might be because it was THREE IN THE MORNING when I finally finished (due entirely to my own stupidity. You cannot start bread at midnight.), but is it really necessary to proof the dough for 20 minutes, mix in more stuff, fold it a bunch of times, let it rise in the oven, fold more, rise again, roll out, do a complicated rolling/making a ball thing, roll out again, put on filling, roll up, cut into three, make into long pieces, braid, let rise in oven, and let rise again at room temperature? Is it really? Most bread I make takes maybe two hours, longer if I'm doing something else and let it rise for too long. This takes more than four. Easily. Probably more like five. I miraculously was able to finish it in three because I skipped the whole braid thing and the last two rises and just let it cold rise overnight. That's what I suggest when making this. The first few rises, okay yeah, do those. They probably affect the texture in some monumentally important way. But the last two are unnecessary, as is the braiding, because not once in my long history of making this kind of bread have I ever had the filling spill out. It just doesn't happen.
That being said, since employment opportunities could always be greatly jeopardized by what I just said, I LOVE this magazine. Seriously. The way they develop recipes is perfect and shows so much respect for the ingredients.
One day when I have money I will get a subscription to their website.
Recipe time!
(This is only how it looks when you braid it. Which you shouldn't.)
Cinnamon Swirl Bread (slightly adapted from CI)
Dough
8 T unsalted butter
20 2/3 oz. flour
2 3/4 oz. nonfat dry milk powder
2 1/3 oz. sugar
1 T instant or rapid-rise yeast
1 1/2 cups warm water
1 large egg, lightly beaten
1 1/2 t salt
Filling
1 cup powdered sugar
3 T cinnamon
1 t vanilla
1/2 t salt
1 large egg, lightly beaten with a pinch of salt
FOR THE DOUGH: Whisk flour, milk powder, sugar, and yeast together in bowl of stand mixer. Using stand mixer fitted with dough hook, add water and egg and mix on medium-low speed until cohesive mass forms, about 2 minutes, scraping down bowl if necessary. Cover mixing bowl with plastic wrap and let stand for 20 minutes.
Adjust oven rack to middle position and place a 9" loaf pan (or really any pan) on bottom of oven. Remove plastic from mixer bowl, add salt, and mix on medium-low speed until dough is smooth and elastic and clears sides of bowl, 7 to 15 minutes. With mixer running, add butter, a few pieces at a time, and continue to knead until butter is fully incorporated and dough is smooth and elastic and clears sides of bowl, 3 to 5 minutes longer. (NB: There is a really good chance you'll need more flour at this point because the dough isn't coming together. Go ahead and add it.)Transfer dough to large greased bowl and, using bowl scraper or rubber spatula, fold dough over itself by gently lifting and folding edge of dough toward middle. Turn bowl 90 degrees; fold again. Turn bowl and fold dough 6 more times (total of 8 folds). Cover tightly with plastic and transfer to middle rack of oven. Pour 4 cups boiling water into loaf pan in oven, close oven door, and allow dough to rise for 45 minutes.
Remove bowl from oven and gently press down on center of dough to deflate. Repeat folding step (making total of 8 folds), re-cover, and return to oven until doubled in volume, about 45 minutes.
FOR THE FILLING: Whisk filling ingredients together until well combined; set aside.
Grease two 8½ by 4½-inch loaf pans. Transfer dough to lightly floured counter and divide into 2 pieces. Working with 1 piece of dough, dust ball with flour and flatten with rolling pin into 7 by 18-inch rectangle with even ¼-inch thickness. Using spray bottle, spray dough lightly with water. Sprinkle half of filling mixture evenly over dough, leaving 1/4-inch border on sides and 3/4-inch border on top and bottom; spray filling lightly with water. (Filling should be speckled with water over entire surface.) With short side facing you, roll dough away from you into firm cylinder. Turn loaf seam side up and pinch closed; pinch ends closed. Dust loaf lightly on all sides with flour and let rest for 10 minutes. Repeat with second ball of dough and remaining filling.
Transfer loaf, seam side down, to prepared loaf pan. Repeat with second loaf. Cover loaves loosely with plastic, return to oven, and allow to rise for 45 minutes. Remove loaves and water pan from oven; heat oven to 350 degrees. Allow loaves to rise at room temperature until almost doubled in size, about 45 minutes longer (top of loaves should rise about 1 inch over lip of pan). Alternatively, just cover them tightly with plastic wrap, put them in the refrigerator, and go to bed.
Brush loaves with egg mixture. Bake until crust is well browned, about 25 minutes. Reduce oven temperature to 325 degrees, tent loaves with aluminum foil, and continue to bake until internal temperature registers 200 degrees, 15 to 25 minutes longer.
Transfer pans to wire rack and let cool for 5 minutes. Remove loaves from pans, return to rack, and cool to room temperature before slicing, about 2 hours.
These can be kept in the freezer for up to a month if wrapped very tightly with plastic and foil, but we all know they won't last that long. Not even two days later and we have about 1/4 of a loaf left.
This is good stuff.
Blaaaaaaa. This summer is going so slowly. Work tomorrow.
In the immortal words of John Green, best wishes!
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
This Blog Will Not Be Interesting to 99% of the World
Mostly what happened was that I read a list of 25 Things to do Before 25, and one of them was to have a blog and update it regularly. I already have another blog, but when I thought about what I generally write on it, I grew greatly depressed at what my much older self is going to think when that's all I have to represent me. It's a lot of blabbing about nothing. I intended it to be a sort of journal, so everything I write is for me and me alone. So obviously there's not a lot of info that says anything about stuff I like since I already know all of that.
To rectify this clear gap in the internet, in a fit of insanity one night, I decided to create this blog.
This will most likely be a mistake. Just know that.
Here are things I like:
1. Books
2. Grammar
3. Cooking
4. Theology (specifically denominational, even more specifically Calvinism)
In a group of average normal people, you would be lucky to find someone who likes one of these things, let alone all of them. Hence, the title.
Part of the idea of this is also to give me a place to practice writing since I am an English major and we ought to know such things.
Not that this will help me when writing, say, a thesis.
Oh dear. Now I'm rambling. Expect this most of the time.
OKAY. The blog will mostly be updated when I find something of interest, like a recipe or fascinating grammar site (ha). Probably not regularly.
I'm just going to stop now.
To rectify this clear gap in the internet, in a fit of insanity one night, I decided to create this blog.
This will most likely be a mistake. Just know that.
Here are things I like:
1. Books
2. Grammar
3. Cooking
4. Theology (specifically denominational, even more specifically Calvinism)
In a group of average normal people, you would be lucky to find someone who likes one of these things, let alone all of them. Hence, the title.
Part of the idea of this is also to give me a place to practice writing since I am an English major and we ought to know such things.
Not that this will help me when writing, say, a thesis.
Oh dear. Now I'm rambling. Expect this most of the time.
OKAY. The blog will mostly be updated when I find something of interest, like a recipe or fascinating grammar site (ha). Probably not regularly.
I'm just going to stop now.
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